I have seen so many lists about heading into your 20's or something having to do with your 20's. And that's great. When you're in your 20's that is. But don't get me wrong... I like to read them to reminisce.
I'm in my mid 30's. 33 to be exact. I'll be 34 in November. There are some things going on that makes me wish I read a few lists about going into my 30's. It sure as shit would ease my mind a little. Some days it drives me nuts with knowing that I'm not getting any younger. I mean, fuck! I needed to be prepared!!!
Do you know that sleep you skipped in your 20's? Staying up until 4AM and drinking that bottle of brandy all to yourself. You could just sleep it off with no problems. Wake up and feel like a brand new person? Try that now. Hell, there are times when I haven't drank a damn drop and have gone to bed at 9PM, woke up "refreshed" at 6AM... And feel like I've been hit by a Mack truck, and ran over a few times. Sleep just ain't the same anymore in your 30's.
It was okay to listen to young boy/girl music in your 20's. Do you have any idea how awkward I feel singing along to Ariana Grande and Taylor Swift? I'll be honest, they all have catchy lyrics and beats. But it's weird. I feel like I should be listening to Lynyrd Skynyrd or Nazareth.
Television just isn't the same. Sure I have a few shows that I watch religiously. But sitting there and watching MTV shows or even reality shows just isn't what I do. I do, however watch Pretty Little Liars and Teen Mom. They've been in high school for what it seems like 10 years and TM is too juicy not to watch. Babs keeps that shit interesting. What can I say.
You have a dress code. I don't care what anyone says. When you're in your 30's.. Your shorts need to be longer than your vagina and your shirts mustn't show side boob. Or underneath boob. Cover your shit man. Act like a fucking lady. Damn.
Speaking of dress code... Men... Quit it with your little sisters skinny jeans and the bow ties and hipster glasses.
Certain foods were okay in your 20's... but try and eat those smothered and covered cheesy hash browns from The Waffle House and you'll be sitting on the toilet for hours wishing you never stuffed your gob with that greasy crap. Even too many slices of pizza make me ill. I suppose I'm allergic to gluten now.
You develop pains in your joints...and you didn't even do a damn thing but sit on the couch and thumb your remote control all weekend. Oh yes. My body aches daily.
Now let's talk about your hair. I'm sure you have pinned a ton of images with females sporting pink/purple/blue hair. Yah, it looks like a heap of fun and you think it's retro. But my god, leave that shit for people like Kylie and Kendall Jenner. The only thing you should be coloring is that grey re-growth.
Also, Chinese takeout is always required twice a week. You don't have to end that in your 30's. I highly recommend general tso's chicken. Orange chicken if you want some change. AND... Do not hesitate to order 2 extra egg rolls. There's no shame in that.